Am I never to get away from You?
by MissPiony
Summary: Charlotte has been in love with the last person she should be in love with for ages and tries to escape to the seaside over summer to get over him, but will she? One-shot written for Sanditon creative's Valentine's event, prompt 'Forbidden love'.
1. Am I never to get away from You?

**A/N: This one-shot AU is written for the Sanditon creative's Valentine's week event, for the prompt 'Forbidden love'. This trope often seems to lead to quite salacious stories, but this is more the sweet romantic kind, as that is what I like most for Charlotte and Sidney. Hope you enjoy!**

** (And sorry for absence on 'Sanditon revisited' but my work is so stressful at the moment that it almost gives me angst, which makes it hard to focus on a longer story.)**

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**Am I never to get away from you?**

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She kicked off her ballerina flats to step on the sand barefooted and immediately knew this had been the right choice.

The sand was smooth and warm against her soles and she curled her toes to feel the tiny grains of sand move between them. For a moment she focused only on that sensation, then shifted her attention to take in the long, wide, almost white beach and the rolling waves beyond, the sea stretching all the way to the horizon where it merged with the clear blue sky. It was serene and simultaneously full of life. This was surely the right place to come to forget an unrequited love.

It was the summer break between second and third year of university. Most of Charlotte's friends would remain in London doing temp jobs to afford a trip to some sunny party island before their final year started but she had felt the need to get away from everything and everyone to clear her mind. Via an agency she found a job as a nanny in the seaside town Sanditon for the next two months and thought it ideal as it simultaneously would provide her an income, an escape and a summer by the sea. She had arrived by train this morning and was now familiarizing herself with the family, the town and the marvelous beach. It was love at first sight and she instinctively knew this was what she needed.

First year at university had been brilliant. It had been everything she had hoped for when she moved from the small country village Willingden to London. After the first few insecure weeks of trying to familiarize herself with the new home town and find her kind of people, the sunny and sociable Charlotte found herself included in a circle of great friends who were more than willing to help her feel like she belonged there. It had been a year of much partying and loads of fun and perhaps she had not spent as much time studying as she ought to, but she had shrugged her shoulders thinking one was only young once and continued to enjoy all of it immensely. First time away from home for real, away from her parents, she wanted to experience _everything_. Well, except drugs (which she stayed away from) and bad sex (which she unwisely had tried at one drunken occasion or two, but there had been good sex too so all in all the average result was positive). She had flirted and dated, even had a shorter relationship but she had not truly fallen in love that first year. There were guys who had fallen for her; cute and fun ones which she loved as friends, but it had never 'clicked' for her. It had not bothered her the least, she was there to experience life, not to immediately settle with someone, get married or have kids in the foreseeable future.

Things had taken an abrupt turn at the beginning of second year when she entered philosophy class for the first time.

They already knew that Professor Bertram, the philosophy teacher from last year, had retired and would be replaced. They had never imagined that the aging, grey-haired, bony man would be replaced by someone like Mr. Parker.

As they entered the lecture hall that day, everyone had gone quiet and stared at the imposing man standing on the podium. He was very tall, broad-shouldered and looked like he might be seriously fit under the slim white shirt. His lithe figure in combination with sharp, handsome features, wavy dark hair and brown eyes made him seem like he rather belonged as the protagonist in a romance novel or an action movie, than in a class room teaching philosophy. The first impression was that he seemed quite stern, as he seriously let his gaze travel over the room inspecting them all, but then he broke into a disarming smile and greeted them welcome.

It was inevitable that the majority of the female students would have a crush on him and behind his back irreverential jokes about getting him into one's bed quickly became standard banter. Few dared to make a pass at him though, because even if he turned out to be a great teacher, he kept his distance to the students and did not for a moment play along if anyone was a bit flirtatious. On the contrary he efficiently choked any attempts to hit on him, making it clear that he was not there to overstep any boundaries with his students no matter if they were young and attractive, with shiny long hair, had curves in all the right places and legs up to their chin, something Eliza Campion got to experience when he deflated her by totally ignoring her quite obvious advances. Charlotte had witnessed that conversation, passing in the hallway and cringed inside, feeling embarrassed on the other girl's behalf even if she did not like her one bit, but simultaneously her hear fluttered with joy seeing Mr. Parker handling a student coming on to him with professional distance. Charlotte certainly did not try to flirt, nor did she partake in any filthy jokes about the hot teacher. She simply could not because she had fallen head over heels in love with him.

She knew it was stupid for so many reasons, but she could not help herself. It happened already that first afternoon. She had arrived in the lecture hall last minute, so had to take a seat in the front row where no one wanted to sit if they could avoid it. Breathless she had slumped down on a seat and only then looked up on the new teacher and just barely kept from gawping. Minutes later, when his eyes wandered over the assembly and landed on her, he suddenly paused. His warm welcoming smile faded away and for a second it looked like he was distracted by something, before he moved on and she let go of the breath she had not known she was holding. That second, sensing a strange connection as their pairs of brown eyes met, was all that it took for her to fall oh so hard for him.

It had never struck her like this before, an instant attraction combined with a completely unmotivated feeling of belonging. When he dropped his gaze to look down on his feet before he turned to the white board to introduce them to the subject of the day, she sat paralyzed in her seat, grateful that she did not have to move for an hour.

It was painfully clear that he had not felt the same connection. He may be distant to other female students which was only in his favour for not engaging in any inappropriate relationship, but it seemed like Charlotte quickly became his least favourite student of all. She was not sure why. She generally tried to shape up her study efforts this year and especially in philosophy. Yet, she got the impression she got off on the wrong foot with him early on, so he always spoke to her more harshly than to other students. While he was supportive of others, he always challenged what she said, dismantled her arguments into tiny pieces and made her feel like an illiterate idiot most of the time. His manners towards her, combined with her own feelings for him made her shy and insecure and she often found herself stuttering the wrong answer to a question she actually knew. She had no idea why she remained in love with him, a man she did not really know and who was not particularly nice to her and who was out of her league in all possible ways, but she did. She came to dread and look forward to his lectures in equal measures. She wished she could just snap out of this ridiculous state of mind, but it turned out impossible.

Her inappropriate feelings made Charlotte withdraw and distance herself a bit from her friends. She could not possible talk to them about how she felt for Mr. Parker, he was a teacher for God's sake and one which all women were drooling over. She was afraid that her friends might guess her feelings, so she kept to herself more than before and spent more time studying. It was good for her grades, but she was unhappy. Unhappy because she felt lonely, unhappy because she was so much in love that it hurt. She ached to know him but realised she never would. This love was as futile as it was forbidden. Teachers and students were not allowed to have relationships, and nothing indicated that he felt anything for her but irritation for behaving so unintelligently whenever he was around. She did well in her written exams and essays, but never managed to impress orally in his classes. She wished he could have known her like she was with others. Her friends seemed to find her witty, funny, courageous and clever but she was never able to bring out her true self with him. Sometimes she caught him watching her with an expression which was hard to interpret, almost as if he wanted to know who she was too but she knew it was a foolish notion. Perhaps he just hoped he would find a sign of intelligence if he looked hard enough.

This summer she was determined she would forget him and figure out how to change the currently pathetic state of her life. Her third year would be different and better, so she must find a way to get over Mr. Parker.

Ironically, it had turned out that the family she was to work for was called Parker too. When the agency first informed her about this over phone, she instantly worried that it by Murphy's law would turn out to be him and his wife, but during the telephone interview with Tom and Mary Parker it quickly became apparent that this Mr. Parker was another than the one she knew of. She had tried to find out her love interest's first name but so far been unlucky, which just showed how sadly little she knew of the man she had given her heart to. However, it was clear even over phone this Mr. Parker had an altogether different type of personality, so she exhaled and kept planning for a summer by the sea.

The Parkers seemed really nice. Tom Parker was usually a bit distracted when she talked to him, which his very down to earth wife Mary said depended on that at least half his brain was constantly engaged in his efforts to develop Sanditon into a holiday resort. They had four children, but as the youngest was a newborn baby which should be kept out of the sun, Mary had hired Charlotte to keep the older three company on the beach for the summer. It turned out to be a lovely job. The children were sweet, and Charlotte enjoyed every day being with them, playing on the beach, swimming, working on her tan, working on forgetting Mr. Parker. To her satisfaction the cure worked. He seemed more distant for every day that passed, as if the memory of him faded in the sunlight or washed away by the waves.

"Nothing to restore one's spirits like sea bathing", Tom claimed, and she had to agree.

She had been in Sanditon in two weeks when Mary delivered some news to Tom over dinner.

"I spoke to your brother on the phone earlier."

"Which one, Arthur or Sidney?"

"Sidney. He is coming down tomorrow."

"Really? To Sanditon? What a nice surprise, I didn't expect to see him here this summer." Tom seemed both genuinely surprised and happy, like his brother visiting was a big event.

"He sounded like something was bothering him. Said he needed to get away from London for a while. I almost got a feeling…"

""What my dear?"

"…that he was unhappily in love."

"Not Sidney, I'm sure you just imagined."

"Perhaps I did."

Charlotte could not help but smiling at the thought that someone else than her might seek his refuge to Sanditon to mend a broken heart.

Next afternoon, she and the children stumbled through the front door as they returned from another day on the beach, sandy, hair tousled from salt water and wind, hands and clothes sticky from ice cream, all in fits of laughter because Jenny had dropped her ice cream and Henry had slipped on it.

"Here they are!" Mary said. "Children, your favourite uncle is here."

"Uncle Sidney!" they exclaimed in chorus and ran towards the man standing by the living room mantelpiece. He scooped up Henry with one arm whilst trying to hug the girls with the other. Over their heads his eyes met Charlotte's with a quizzical expression.

She could only stare and hope she was not gawping.

His name was Sidney. He was Tom's brother but who could have guessed when they were so monumentally different to looks and behaviour. "Her" Mr. Parker was here in Tom's and Mary's living room, hugging what apparently were his nephew and nieces. If he had faded a bit in her memory over the past weeks, his presence now hit her with full force. She felt her cheeks heat and she was suddenly very aware of only wearing tiny shorts and a strap top over her bikini.

"Sidney, this is Charlotte I just told you about. She helps out with the children this summer."

This was the moment when she expected him to say something like; 'Miss Heywood, am I never to get away from you?' and turn to Tom and Mary and explain she was his least favourite student.

He did nothing of the sort. Instead he gently put Henry down, stepped closer and reached out his hand as if to greet a total stranger.

"Nice to meet you Charlotte. I'm Sidney", he said and smiled.

Her heart pounded so hard. Why did he pretend like he did not recognize her, like was not her teacher? He did not seem the least annoyed to find her here, no, almost pleased. Her mouth was as dry as if she stuffed it full of sand before returning from the beach, but she managed to take his hand and play the same game as him.

"Nice to meet you too, Sidney."

It was not the first time she touched him, or rather, _he_ had touched _her_ once before. It had been towards the end of the semester and she had been feeling terribly low for a few weeks. Everyone else seemed to be in an amorous spring mood, meanwhile she was trapped being in love with someone she could not have, or even obsess over with her friends out of shame. She could not bear the idea of even trying a date with someone else. Others were happy and she was tired and sad. Unhappy love was draining.

When she was about to leave after his lecture was over that day, he had surprised her by grabbing her by the elbow as she passed him. The touch sent a jolt trough her and she almost had not dared turn to watch him, fearing he would read her.

"Can I have a moment Miss Heywood?"

She nodded. He waited to resume conversation until the last student had left and she was a bundle of nerves.

"I just wanted to ask, is everything all right?"

She felt him observing her, but she was observing her own shoes.

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"I don't know, I just got the impression…" He paused, almost bashfully. "You know, you can talk to me if something is the matter."

He was of course the last person she could talk to about what was ailing her.

"There's nothing to talk about."

He stayed silent a few long seconds, giving her the opportunity to add something, but she did not.

"I don't know if that means there is nothing to talk about at all or if you simply don't want to talk to _me_ about it?"

There was a hint of frustration to his voice at her stubborn silence and she could not resist turning her face up and meet his eyes. The look on his face was truly concerned and she found it hard to breathe. His eyes were so searching and soft in this moment, that she would have told him what the problem was had it not been _him_.

He sighed, as if giving up.

"_If _something is troubling you, you could also see the student counsellor. Everything you say to her is confidential. Just talk to someone, if you need help. Please."

She had obviously not managed to convince her she was fine, and he was pleading now. Suddenly he seemed to become aware of still grasping her elbow. She had been aware all the time but unable to pull away. He seemed embarrassed, quickly let go, shoved his hands into his pockets and cleared his throat.

"Anyway, I just wanted you to know that there is support if you need it, but if you don't…"

"I don't."

He looked so disappointed, as if it hurt him that she refused to confide in him.

"Well then."

She had left, feeling completely devastated. This new side to him, caring about her despite that she was a disaster in his class room was not helping one bit. It just made her fall harder and desperately wish he was not her teacher she had a chance to get to know him and he her. It was then she had realised that she needed to do something drastic to get over him and the idea to get away over the summer had formed.

But now he was _here_ and holding her hand. It was not how she had planned things. Damnit!

His hand was warm and so big compared to her own that it wrapped it completely. It seemed like they remained holding hands longer than was common courtesy or perhaps time just slowed down for her. Either way she was unable to pull away, like in the classroom. She was not sure why he did not.

Mary brought them back to reality.

"Dinner is ready in a half-hour, so if you want to shower and get changed you could do it now."

Her hand felt cold and sad when he let go. She forced herself to walk upstairs, not run, only to immediately lock herself up in the bathroom and slump down on the toilet lid.

He. Was. Here.  
What were the odds? Minuscule, yet here he was.

How could two brothers be so diametrically different? She never would have guessed the connection. She groaned and hid her face in her palms.

What did he think of her being here? He had displayed a total poker face but not seemed annoyed at all over the surprising house-guest. She hoped he realised it was complete coincidence, if he thought anything else, she would die of pure embarrassment.

What did she look like? She jumped up to stand in front of the mirror and scrutinized herself. In school she usually dressed in a preppy style and kept her hair well-combed and neat. Now looked she quite wild with messy hair and no makeup and wearing beach outfit, but not so bad anyway she must admit. The sun had gifted her tan and freckles, peaceful nights not thinking of him had wiped away the dark circles under her eyes. She needed to tidy herself up though, she could not have dinner with him looking like this.

As the warm water flushed over her, her thoughts kept spinning. _Why_ had he pretended like they did not know each other? She could not figure it out and this uncertainty did not make her any less distressed. With him here, how was she supposed to be the Charlotte the family had come to know over the past weeks? She had almost become like one of the them and if she suddenly turned all shy and introvert, they would know something was wrong. Well, Tom might not notice but Mary would for sure. Not only because she was observant but because she was more like a friend than an employer.

With her hair still dripping from the shower, she wiped away the condense on the mirror to be able to see herself again and put on some light makeup. She scrutinized her own face, the big, expressive brown eyes, the mouth that used to be shaped into a smile or laugh most of the time before she met him but now was more serious. What did he think of her when his eyes sometimes lingered on her? He probably did not think of her at all, she was simply a part of the anonymous mass of students to him.

She could think of one way how to get through this. She would have to put on an act, that was the only solution. She had to act like the version of her she was with everyone but him and she had to do it so well that no one could tell the difference from yesterday when it was all natural. She had no idea how to pull it off, but she simply had to.

She almost went paralyzed in front of the wardrobe because she neither wanted to dress up or down compared to yesterday. In the end she made the choice easy by picking the same pink floral dress she wore then. It was a summer dress, lighter and flirtier than what she ever wore in school, but this was seaside by summer, and she had to dress accordingly.

If he noticed any difference as to her clothes he did not comment. When she returned downstairs, she found him in an armchair with his feet propped up on a footstool, drinking beer directly from a bottle, chatting with Tom and looking more relaxed than she ever had seen him. His usual well-fitting shirts and suit jackets were replaced by a grey t-shirt and navy linen trousers and it felt odd to see him barefoot. Intimate somehow. He fleetingly glanced at her, smiled to acknowledge her presence, but almost immediately averted his gaze without seeming to register her dress at all. In a way it was a relief not to be scrutinized, but also disappointing. She envied him for being so casual when her own insides were in a turmoil.

"Come, sit down with us Charlotte", Tom said.

"Oh, I think I'll go and get something to drink too. I need that after a full day in the sun."

It was just an excuse. What she needed was to be in another room than him. To her surprise he got to his feet.

"I'll get it for you. I was anyway going for a refill. What do you want?"

You.

"I'll have one of those too, please."

She nodded towards his beer bottle. She needed something stronger than soda. Tequila or whisky would have been perfect to soothe her nerves but might seem like a strange choice, so beer was the second-best option. He nodded and left the room, brushing her side as he passed her in the doorway, leaving all her tiny hairs standing on end.

Her teacher, who she accidentally had a crush on, was getting her a beer. She was old enough to drink legally and they were far away from school, but it was still weird. She sat down, closer to Tom than to Sidney's empty chair and took the opportunity to ask a few questions.

"So, your brother? You haven't talked much about any of them. Is he your younger brother?"

"Yes, I'm the old and responsible one."

Tom chuckled heartily like he did not even think so himself. "He isn't that much older than you actually, even if he may seem it sometimes because he is so bloody serious most of the time. He's only twenty-six, but an old soul in a young body."

This was an unusually deep analysis coming from Tom.

"Oh?" she said, hoping he would spill more. She had thought Mr. Parker, Sidney, older, but this meant the age difference between them was only six years. She had found out both his first name and age in one day. Monumental progress, yet leading to nothing, because her feelings for Mr. Parker were for sure a dead-end.

"He is a bit cynical, not easy to get to know for most people but I'm sure it will be different for you."

Her heart drummed loudly.

"Why would it be?"

"Because you are one of us of course! You know that Mary and I have come to think of you as family and I'm sure Sidney will as well."

She very much doubted that, but Tom's kind words warmed her anyway.

"What will I?"

Sidney had returned and handed her a cold beer. Their fingertips touched briefly and hers tingled.

"I'm sure you will come to see Charlotte as family, just like we do. A little sister perhaps."

Dear God, the last thing she wanted was for him to think of her as a sister. His worst student was a way better option. Apparently, he also found this notion preposterous because he almost choked on the gulp of beer he just had taken.

"Er, well, we have just met so I guess we'll have to see about that."

His dark eyes met hers, but she could not read them. If she only could sink through the floor and return when he had gone back to London. How long was he planning on staying anyway? If she was to be honest, part of her desperately wanted him to stay even if it was torture having him here.

Unknowingly, Mary helped her by asking over dinner. Charlotte was pushing the food around on the plate instead of eating with her normal healthy appetite. How was she supposed to eat _anything_ in his presence? She noticed Mary observing her and to prevent awkward questions she forced herself to eat a piece of chicken. Temporarily appeased, Mary turned to Sidney instead.

"So, how long are you planning on staying?"

"If it's not too much trouble I thought a few weeks, at least. I don't have to go back until beginning of September actually, but I don't want to overstay my welcome."

"Nonsense, you're always welcome! This house is after all partly yours and we're all happy to have you. There is absolutely no need to rush your leave as far as I'm concerned."

"You're always so kind. Fine. Then I'll stay until I feel you are fed up with me after all." He smiled cheekily at Mary and Charlotte tried to pretend it did not cause a swarm of butterflies to stir in her stomach.

"We will never get tired of you uncle Sidney", Jenny said and shot him her cutest smile. It was obvious that the kids adored him.

Charlotte could do nothing but helplessly follow the conversation, because naturally she had no say in this. Her brilliant plan to escape him had quickly transformed into spending the entire summer under the same roof as him, unless she chose to leave and that would be letting Mary down. She had no idea how to manage weeks in his close proximity without combusting from repressed emotions. Thankfully she would at least be able to escape during daytime when she took the children to the beach.

"Will you join us and Char to the beach tomorrow? Please?"

She froze at Jenny's question to Sidney. Nononono! Of course, he would say no, there was no way he wanted to spend time with her.

"Of course, I can't wait to go swimming with you."

Now it was Charlotte who nearly sprayed the table cloth with snorted beer but managed to swallow instead.

"Perhaps you want the children to yourself then? I mean, I usually take them but maybe you would rather have some quality time alo..."

"No, by all means come", he interrupted. "I don't want to break up your normal routine. I'll adapt to you, you won't even notice I'm there."

He smiled friendly and she knew there was no way she would ever not notice him even in a room full of people.

Dinner went on. She forced herself to eat even if everything tasted and felt like sand in her mouth, but the family involved her in their chatter as always and she realised she only had to go along with it. She did not have to ask him questions and he did not ask her any, both aware that it might become apparent they had a touch point in the university, which could provoke awkward questions. She still had no idea why he acted like he did not know her, but did not want to expose his strange behavior without first understanding the reason for it.

She did understand one thing though; that the more she saw of him with his family, the more she liked him. She had always found him intimidatingly attractive. Here, among people who knew him and whom he apparently loved, he was more at ease than in the role as university teacher. As she watched him talk, listen and laugh, she could see that he really was younger than she had taken him for. Funnier too. She enjoyed seeing him smiling in his special, slightly restrained manner, as if he even now was apprehensive about showing too much emotion. Yet it was obvious that this was exactly where he wanted to be. She wondered why he had stayed away for long and why he had come now, as Mary had indicated there might be a history there. If he was unhappily in love, she wondered who would be so foolish to let this man pass by. The mere thought of him having feelings for someone else made her insides twist.

This situation was in one way the worst imaginable, but strange enough she enjoyed it more and more by the minute. Even if it in no way meant that she would grow closer to him romantically, she liked to at least get to know him a bit more as individual. Tom had opened a bottle of wine to celebrate and the wine and the ambience gradually made her relax and have fun. It was only during the brief moments when their eyes met across the table that she felt shy again and felt compelled to look away with drumming heart.

The evening went by quicker than she wanted it to and too soon it was time to say good night. She had thought she never would be able to sleep knowing he was nearby, but to her surprise her head barely touched the pillow before she was sound asleep.

Next morning her all nervousness returned, unfortunately. The idea of spending the day alone with him and the children was enough to make her jittery, thinking about showing herself in a bikini was absolutely daunting. She and Mary were preparing lunch sandwiches to bring when he sauntered into the kitchen. Even his style of walking seemed more carefree here in Sanditon and he was actually whistling. She had never imagined him a whistler.

"I don't know when I last saw you this cheerful, Sid." Mary smiled at him and wrapped the sandwiches in paper. "What has brought about this change?"

He made a face like she had caught him doing something naughty and was quick to explain.

"It's summer, I'm on holiday and have a day with my absolute favourite people on Earth ahead of me. I have plenty of reasons to be happy."

Charlotte knew he was talking about Henry and the girls, not her when he spoke of his 'favourite people', but his eyes locked with hers as he said it and she felt her breath catch in her throat.

"Well, I'm for one am happy to hear that, you seemed bit off over the phone the other day."

"Did I? Er, perhaps I was then. I'm fine now. Really."

For some reason a pink tinge appeared on his stubbled cheek.

"Off you go then. Don't forget Henry's swimming ring."

Charlotte thought they were an odd group as they walked to the beach; three children skipping with joy at the prospect of swimming with their favourite uncle, one very average girl carrying a parasol and one absolutely gorgeous man, looking like he was cut from a beach wear commercial except he was heaped with beach bags, swimming ring and other toys because he had insisted on carrying it all. She must admit that he did not seem the last bothered to do so. Mr. Parker kept surprising her in the best way.

Both to her relief and frustration, the children stayed glued to him all day. She was relieved not to have to keep the conversation floating alone, but frustrated because she was desperate to ask him why the charade. The moment when he pulled off his white polo shirt, she was extremely grateful for the children's presence because she did not know where to look when he revealed what must be the fittest upper body she had seen up close. She dared a glance the second when he pulled it over his head and felt her pulse spike from the need to touch him. Fortunately, he could not read her mind and by the time he finished taking it off, she was busy helping Henry removing his sandals. Sidney seemed totally unaware of his own appearance. He casually discarded the garment, grinned at the children saying that last one in the water was a chicken, then ran off towards the water with them in his tracks. She was grateful he was not there when she undressed, but she could not escape joining them in the waves as the children were shouting for her to do so. She quickly dived into the waves to let the water cover her, but for the brief moment his eyes seemed to take in her curves, her entire body felt flushed despite the cold water.

She had never been so self-conscious going swimming before but then again, she had never gone swimming with a man she had a major crush on. Luckily, the children soon made her forget all about it, as they started a water fight teaming up girls against boys, splashing water on each other until they all were soaked and laughing. Just like the night before, being with him this day turned out so much easier than she had ever imagined. He was kind, funny and playful and for the first time she felt she could really be herself with him. They did not have any deep conversations with the children near, but they had fun. She realised she risked being left more heartbroken than before because being together like this made her fall more in love, but strangely this togetherness made her feel like she was healing after the many months of distant pining for him. If this was all of him that she ever would have, she decided to accept it even if grief would follow.

When the happy bunch returned to Trafalgar House late afternoon, they were met by an exhausted Mary. Baby James had not been pleased with the heat and had apparently spent most of the day screaming. He had finally fallen asleep a few minutes ago and Mary was a wreck.

"I'm sorry, but I haven't even started preparing dinner. The kids must be starving", she apologized with a heavy sigh.

"Don't worry", Sidney reassured her, giving her a hug. "Go and have a nap and I'll cook something. Perhaps Charlotte can help me, and it will be ready in no time."

"Yes, of course, just go rest Mary."

She nodded but thought that if someone had told her yesterday morning that she would be cooking together with Mr. Parker tonight, she would never have believed it.

They were not alone in the kitchen, because Tom joined them sitting by the kitchen table drinking a beer, watching as they worked, and it was not the first time Charlotte wondered how come he never helped with anything domestic. Sidney on the other hand seemed to be in his comfort zone and swiftly moved around between the cupboards, chopped onions, threw pasta in water, instructed her how to make the tomato sauce while frying minced meat himself.

"Tonight, you're getting Pasta Bolognese à la uncle Sidney", he told the children.

He took a teaspoon of the meat sauce and held out to Charlotte.

"Here. Have a taste."

"I'm sure it tastes great."

"It does, but I'd still like a second opinion", he joked confidently.

It felt oddly intimate to be fed something by him and once again she was grateful for the presence of other family members when she embarrassed had a taste. If he knew how in love with him she was, he would surely run far away from here instead of having her tasting his food. It was delicious though and he had surprised her yet another time. Chef Sidney was an unexpected discovery. She realised that even if she had spent hours and hours thinking of him, she had not been very good at imagining him outside the class room. She could imagine him kissing, but not cooking. She was clearly lacking imagination.

"It's very tasty", she mumbled. "You obviously know what you're doing."

"I don't know about that, but it was good team work. Thanks, Charlotte."

His words made her ridiculously happy even if she knew he had done most of the cooking.

Dinner was just as nice as the evening before, but they broke the table quicker as Mary wanted to return to bed. Tom started saying something about her needing to put the children to bed first, but Sidney interrupted him.

"I'm sure you can handle that fine on your own Tom. After all, they are your children too."

"But Charlotte could help me…"  
"She could, if she hadn't already promised me to join me for a walk on the beach and I think she may need that after an entire day with the children. Don't you agree Tom?"

Sidney's voice was still friendly but a bit challenging and Charlotte could barely contain a smile. They had not talked about a walk together, but she understood he wanted to push Tom to take more responsibility for his own children.

"I know you will handle it just fine Tom. Should we go?" He turned to her.

She just nodded and got up but did not miss the curious glance Mary threw at Sidney, like it was something really peculiar that he would ask anyone to join him for a walk. Tom confirmed it with a joke.

"What do I hear Sid, are you finally tired of being a loner?"

"I... er, no I just thought it would be nice for Charlotte to get out of the house when her working hours are over. That is all."

"Thank you, I appreciate it. I'm happy to come with you."

Sharing mischievous glances, they left a confused Tom behind.

They strolled the short distance to the beach in silence. When they reached the sand, both removed their shoes as on a given signal and Sidney rolled up his grey linen trousers before they continued down to the waterfront and continued the walk in the damp borderline between beach and sea. There was a calmness here at this hour, which she liked. This was finally her chance to enquire about his strange behaviour.

"Mr. Parker..."

"Sidney, please. I think we're past Mr. Parker after today, aren't we? At least I would like us to be."

"Would you?"

She glanced at him sideways and saw him split up in a lovely smile. They walked a few stepped and then he answered, hesitantly.

"What if I told you I have wanted that for very a long time?"

She frowned her brow, trying to make out what he really was saying.

"What did you want? That I don't call you Mr. Parker?"

"No." He chuckled. "Or well, yes, that's part of it. I wanted to get to know you."

Her newfound peace in his company evaporated rapidly when adrenaline rushed through her veins. Know her? How?

"But why do you pretend like we haven't met before then?"

"I... I'm sorry if I made you confused. I didn't mean to offend you."

"I'm not that easily offended but I'm kind of wondering?"

"Yes, I understand. I… er, let me explain. I was surprised seeing you here of course, but I was also happy."

"Were you? But you don't like me?"

"Don't I like you?" he said with what seemed like genuine surprise.

"I was sure you didn't."

"Ah, shit, this is even harder than I thought. I guess I have been good at pretending after all… Listen Charlotte, I do like you and I… I guess I didn't want Mary and Tom to think of me as your teacher and you my student."

"Why?" So far, his explaining only achieved making her more confused.

"Because I… I wish we were not."

"Because I'm the worst student you have?"

"No! Sorry, but no, absolutely not. Sure, you are a bit distracted sometimes but no. It is just that I… I wish I knew you in a different way. Not as my student."

Her heart skipped a beat. He continued.

"Before you say anything, I know how completely inappropriate this is and I wouldn't say anything now, not even on holiday if I had not resigned."

"You quit!?"  
"I resigned just before I came here. I applied for a job at King's college a while back. It was offered to me and I accepted."

She was not able to process all this information at once. He had said he would like to know her not as his student, but he also said he was leaving for another university so she would not meet him again.

"I'm sorry we won't have you as our teacher anymore", was the only thing she could come up with.

"I'm not", he said with sudden fire, stopped and turned to her but then seemed to become self-conscious again. "I mean, I have enjoyed teaching you all this year, but I don't want to be _your_ teacher. I'm scared as shit that telling you this will only be awkward but meeting you here, having this chance, I _have_ to tell you."

He took a deep breath.

"I have feelings for you."

"What?"

Her contribution to this conversation seemed to mostly consist of one-worded sentences ending with a question mark, but she could not help it.

"I have feelings for you, in a way a teacher definitely should not feel for one of his students."

She stared at him. He could not saying what it sounded like he was saying, could he?

"You have… have you felt like that for a long time?"

"I think I have since the first day. Christ, I have been terrified that it would shine through, could barely look at you in class. I didn't want you or anyone to understand how I felt, didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable or harassed in any way. I didn't want to cause any rumours. I know how the gossip mill works among the students and it isn't pretty. I have been unnecessarily harsh with you sometimes for that reason, because I didn't want anyone to realise… but I thought that was better than the alternative. I'm not surprised if you don't like me very much, because I haven't been very nice to you. I hated it every time, it was not what I wanted and I'm sorry if you ever felt I was treating you unfairly."

He paused briefly but now she was unable to speak altogether.

"I have tried to tell myself it is stupid, not only because it jeopardizes my career, but I don't even know you. Then again, I feel like I _do_ know you quite well from your essays, your philosophical reasoning, your ethics. I scrutinized your essays and exams in a way I did with no other students, spent hours thinking of what things you wrote actually meant and what it said about you. You always seemed quite withdrawn in the classroom, but what you write is so passionate and when I saw you with your friends you were so different. They all seem to like you so much and I envied them because I wanted to know you like that."

He swallowed and clenched his jaw.

"As the year went on, it became harder and harder to pretend, to keep appearances up and I felt quite miserable to be honest. It was really an awakening when we had that talk in the spring, when I obviously could see something was the matter with you and realised you did not even trust me enough to say there was. It was a reality check, reminding me I was nothing to you and that I shouldn't be. It was then I decided I had to get away from you, find another job. When I came here, I was happy because I felt the new job would let me escape from an impossible situation. Meeting you here caught me completely off guard, but after the first shock I thought maybe it was good. Now I have the opportunity to come clean with you, let you know why I acted like I did. I'm sorry for that and I'm sorry if telling you all this has made you uncomfortable. If you want, I can leave tomorrow and you won't have to meet me again, not here, not in school."

He stopped talking, suddenly out of words and she realised she had to say something at this point.

"But I do. I do want to meet you, I don't want you to leave."

"You don't?"

It seemed like a glimmer of hope was lit it his eyes.

"I want you to stay. Very much. Yesterday I wanted you to leave, but now…"

"Now…?"  
"I want you to stay."

"And what changed?"

The question was almost a whisper and he took a step closer to her.

"What you just said. You see, I have had feelings for you too for a very long time. I never thought anything could come from it. Nothing good anyway, what with you being my teacher. I came here this summer because I wanted to get away from everything that reminded me of _you_. I needed to get some distance to get over you and then suddenly you were here, and I didn't know what to think anymore. Now you have told me and I'm thinking…"  
"Thinking what?"

He watched her intently, with apprehensive anticipation.

"That maybe there is a chance for us? Is there?"

"Do you want it to be?"

"Yes."

"Then I'd would very much like to think there is, even if I hardly can believe it either. That we are here, like this. You and I. That I dared to tell you and you still aren't running away."

"No running here."

She stepped closer and dared to place her palm to his cheek. His eyes widened ever so slightly and turned darker and he put his hand on top of hers.

"So, you're not my teacher anymore?"

"Nope." His lips were smiling, his eyes were smiling.

"And it is not forbidden to kiss a man who isn't my teacher?"

"Not as far as I know, even if I shouldn't recommend kissing _every _man who isn't your teacher."

"So… is it therefore correct to deduce that it is okay if I kiss you?" She could not believe she had dared to say it.

"I wouldn't score that deductive reasoning high on a philosophy exam because it seems too generalized, but for this specific case the answer is definitely yes."

He let go of her hand to let both hands go around her waist and pull her too him. She let her own arms coil around his neck and touched his locks there, still unable to grasp that this was happening when his lips brushed hers.

"It still feels forbidden", she whispered.

"It does. But it is not, as long as you want it. If you don't, just say stop."

Her answer was to graze his lips with her own again, still holding his gaze.

"Nothing could make me want to stop now when I know you feel the same."

"So, are you in love with me too then?"

"Yes, I'm in love with you Mr. Parker. Since the very first day too, as a matter of fact and I don't even believe in love at first sight."

"Neither do I and yet here we are", he murmured against her lips and then followed the first kiss of many to come.


	2. What am I to you, exactly?

_**A/N: On demand (thanks for asking) and because I was not finished with this version of Charlotte and Sidney, this is a sequel to 'Am I never to get away from You?'. This one is also written for the Sanditon creative's Valentine's week event, prompt 'But there was only one bed'. **_

_**Only one bed when you are with the one you love sounds ideal, but in this case, it will not be smooth-sailing between the sheets.**_

_**It will be a little hot but no full smut.**_

* * *

**Part II: What am I to You, exactly?**

**Prompt: But there was only one bed**

She was resting on the beach towel with eyes closed, enjoying what she new was the last shivering summer day here in Sanditon. For this time. Hopefully they would return next summer, Sidney and her.

She felt the warmth from the sand below and sun above and a different kind of warmth radiating from her forearm as a certain someone was drawing circles on her skin with his fingertips. Her lips tugged upwards as he started to teasingly tickle her there instead, but she kept her eyes closed and said nothing. A shadow fell over her face and she knew it was him already before he pressed his lips to hers. For a moment longer she kept faking sleeping, but then moved her hands to his hair and parted her lips for him. Her eyes fluttered open and stared into his intense brown ones.

"I knew you were awake", he smirked.

How she loved his face. She still could not fully grasp that this man was her boyfriend. Well, they had never used that word exactly, but he sure acted like it, so there was no need to put a label on it.

"I wasn't. You woke me. I'm expecting some kind of compensation for being stirred from my beauty sleep."

She pouted her lips like a sulking child.

"Now do you? Don't you know I did you a favour, waking you so you don't get a sunburn?"

Despite his words, he went on to give her exactly the kind of compensation she had wanted. Still holding the weight of his upper body on his arms but now framing her head between them, he shifted so his legs rested on hers, pressing her down onto the sand in a very pleasant manner and resumed the kiss, now deepening it. She let her hands run over the smooth muscular planes of his back, all the way to the lining of his bathing trunks. By now his bare skin was a familiar sensation but one she could not get enough of. It seemed to be the same for him, something she could clearly _feel _when he adjusted his position on top of her, something which in turn created a tingling sensation in her. They kept kissing for a while, taking advantage of the fact that for once the kids had not accompanied them and no one cared if their tongues were dancing.

Reluctantly, he finally pulled away and shifted to lie beside her, still turned towards her so others would not see his front. His eyes were darker than usual, and his breath ragged, as was hers. He glanced down on himself with a half embarrassed, half cheeky grin.

"As much as I have loved being here this summer, I'm glad we're returning to London now so I can have you to myself. This is getting… slightly frustrating."

She turned to lie on her side as well, facing him, propped up on her elbow. His let his palm slide down her body, following the curve at the dip of her waist, causing goosebumps wherever he touched despite the heat. She nodded, agreeing one hundred percent. The need to be with him was so intense that it was becoming a sweet kind of torture. They had been seeing each other one and a half months now, but still had not slept together.

In the beginning they had wanted to take it slow, get to know one another outside school and enjoy each other's company before rushing into bed, but lately it had been a question of them being comfortable sharing bedroom in Trafalgar House.

They had told Mary and Tom they were dating after two weeks' struggle to keep it secret. It had been fun and exhilarating when only they knew, but really difficult not to let their eyes and little touches betray them and, in the end, they thought it better to tell than get caught. The news were received with enthusiasm by everyone though Tom was more surprised than the perceptive Mary. The children were most excited of all, asking if this meant that uncle Sidney would marry Charlotte and stay with them forever, which was equally amusing and embarrassing as it was so early days.

Even if their budding relationship was well received, Charlotte was conscious of the fact that she had come to this house as an employee and she wanted to maintain a certain degree of professionalism during her stay. If she came back another time, invited as Sidney's girlfriend, it would be a different story, but for now she preferred to keep their physical contact limited to holding hands and chaste kisses when the family was around, and they had not shared bed. Sidney had suggested no one would notice if one of them changed bedroom during the night but had understood fully why Charlotte was not comfortable doing so. For this reason, they had not made it further than making out on the beach and during cliff top walks, something they had become quite fond of. They had also spent much time swimming, appreciating the cover the water provided.

Even if they tried to sneak away like this every now and then, the secret caresses felt like the longest foreplay ever and the sexual tension had steadily built up between them. It had now reached a point when neither of them was sure how much longer they could hold back. Luckily, it was the beginning of August and Charlotte's contract as a summer nanny for the Parker children had ended the day before. Mary had asked if they would not consider staying another week only to enjoy the beach, but they insisted that they wanted to return to London and spend some time there before the semester started; Charlotte's third university year and Sidney's new job as philosophy teacher at a different university. Both were silently thinking that they would not mind spending that entire time in bed with the other.

Now Charlotte pretended she did not understand what Sidney was eluding to, ignoring the physical evidence. She was not usually shy when it came to talking about sex, but it was something different to talk about it with a boyfriend one had not yet slept with.

"Have you had enough of the beach for one summer? Is that what you find so frustrating?" she teased and let her fingers trace over the ridges of his abs, the same ones she had not dared to look at their first day on the beach.

He caught her hand, brought it to his lips and kissed her palm.

"I think you know what is. Barely having any alone-time with you is eating away on me."

"At least we live in the same house. We won't in London. You realise I won't be able to bring you to my student room?"

She answered lightly, circling around the true topic, as she did not dare to tell him how much she longed for him too, how she wanted him with every sensory cell in her body. She could talk to him freely about almost anything by now, but when it came to sex or calling him her boyfriend, words failed her. Neither had they discussed much how everyday life would be when they returned home, they had been too busy enjoying the present.

"Of course, I know, but luckily I have quite a big house so I think I can squeeze you in there."

"You have a _house_? You never said."

He shrugged his shoulders like it was no big deal, even if it in reality was a rare thing that a twenty-six-year-old philosophy teacher would own a house in London.

"It's actually mine, Tom's, Diana's and Arthur's together but since Tom prefers to stay here, Diana has moved to Germany with her doctor fiancée and Arthur lives with his boyfriend, I have the London house to myself. The house here also belongs to all of us, but as you know Tom has pretty much occupied it."

"But how is that, that you have those houses?"

"We inherited them from our parents. Both died a few years ago, dad only a couple of months after mum."

"I'm sorry", she mumbled. I didn't know. I thought they were still alive somewhere. Do you miss them much?"

"More when I come here, I guess that is partly why I stay away. Trafalgar House was our summer house and we came here every year, even after Tom and I were sent off to boarding school and I have more fond memories of them from Sanditon than from London. The London house is just a house, but everything here has been a reminder that they died way too early."

He had spoken seriously, still holding her hand but now he smiled. She was about to ask him about the boarding school thing when he added;

"But now, I have new fond memories. With you."

Her heart skipped a beat. How was it possible that he was able to make her fall a little more in love with him every day? He leaned in to kiss her again.

"I have something I'd like to ask you."

"Okay?"

"Would you mind if we made a stop on the way to London tomorrow?"

"I don't think so. Where?"  
"My friend Babbers called me earlier. He has a country house on the way between Sanditon and London and has spontaneously decided to throw an end-of-summer-party there this weekend. He begged me to come and bring you."

"Bring me? You have told him about me?"

"Yes of course", he smiled. "As a matter of fact, he is the only one I told about you long before I thought I ever would get to be with you. He has heard about all my pining and now he wants to finally see me a happy man again."

"There was pining?" she giggled.

"I swear there was some serious pining, yes."

She shook her head.

"I still find this hard to take in, that you had feelings for me too all that time."

He shook his head too, at the madness he knew his feelings for her had been the past year.

"I was not very cool if you ask Babbers."

"Maybe I will, just to convince myself."

"Please don't, I already regret I told you. But does that mean a yes? Would you be okay with a little detour and meeting some of my friends? Probably also a bunch of other people I have no clue who they are, but I'm sure it will be fun. Babbers knows how to fix a great party."

"Yes, sure."

She hoped she sounded cool, but her feelings were a mix of anticipation and fear. She wanted to meet his friends but what if they did not like her? They had had the advantage of letting their relationship start in a little protected romantic bubble here in Sanditon and this might be the first pressure test. On the other hand, maybe it was time to try this in the real world and test if it was something lasting, like she hoped it was. Even if he gave her every reason to think he was hers, there was still part of her that could not fully believe it. She could not fully accept that someone like him could love someone like her. Being more involved in his life might prove that was really the case. Or not.

\- o -

They left early next morning after hugging all the Parkers goodbye and soon the coastal landscape outside the car windows was replaced by the green hills and fields of the countryside.

Sidney had said that Babbers had a country house, but when they an hour later drove through a pair of pineapple adorned iron gates, continued another mile on a road paved with high trees and finally reached an impressive old building surrounded by a meticulously well-kept park, she realised that might have been an understatement.

"Is this where your friend lives? When you said a country _house,_ I imagined something more like a cottage rather than a miniature Downton Abbey."

"Well, estate might be a more correct description. I was afraid you might not want to come if I told you", he grinned sheepishly.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Some people find places like this a but intimidating, but I really wanted to bring you and hope you will like it."

He reached for her hand and laced their fingers together.

"Okay, I admit it is a bit intimidating but not as much when you're holding my hand. Does it really belong to Babbers?"

"Yes, a.k.a. Lord Babington. Perhaps I should have mentioned that too, but he's really the most down to earth lord I know so I tend to forget."

"The most down to earth lord you know... Does that mean you know many? I didn't know philosophy teachers and lords commonly hung out."

"I know some." He laughed. "Boarding school is to blame for that. I think I'm the only one who ended up something as boring as philosophy teacher, but then again quite a few of the lads don't work at all. They just keep spending their parent's fortune."

"Not boring. You are my favourite teacher."

"Is that so? I thought you said you dreaded my classes."

"You know why. There was nothing wrong with your lectures."

"Lucky we won't have to live through lectures together anymore. I prefer seeing you like this."

He squeezed her hand once more before retracting his, then stopped the car on a graveled patch where several exclusive cars were parked already. He turned to her again.

"Would you mind if we don't share with everyone today that I used to be your teacher? If we say we met in Sanditon this summer instead? Some of them can be quite teasing."

"No, that's fine. In a way it is true, we didn't really know each other before Sanditon, and nothing happened before."

"In my head it did", he flashed her a wicked smile and leaned in to kiss her, but they were interrupted by someone knocking the car window and the door on Sidney's side flung open.

"Sorry if I was interrupting something but I wanted to wish you welcome."

Laughing, Sidney jumped out of the car and hugged his friend.

"Charlotte, this is our host Bertie, but he doesn't like his name, so everyone calls him Babbers or Babington. Babbers, this is Charlotte."

The young man did not look thrilled when Sidney revealed his first name, but more so when he was introduced to Charlotte. She instantly liked his friendly face and understood what Sidney had meant when he said he was an approachable kind of lord. He shook her hand enthusiastically.

"Welcome! Finally! I have heard so much about you, especially when this man has had a whisky or two, but I never expected I would actually get to meet the student who drove him mad with her hotness."

"Babs, shut up please. Don't listen to him, Charlotte."

"Sorry, but this is way too interesting."

Babbers offered her his arm to lead the way inside, leaving to Sidney to carry their bags.

"Don't worry, I promise I'll tell you _everything_ including some very embarrassing moments from our boarding school days."

Sidney followed them with a sigh and an eye-roll.

"You're among the last to arrive, the others are already having drinks by the pool, but don't worry, I have saved my best guest room for the two of you."

He noticed the glances they exchanged.

"Did I say something wrong? Or you don't… Would you have liked separate rooms?"

"Er, we just haven't shared room in Tom's house, that's all", Sidney explained.

Babbers eyes darted between them and a deep blush spread over the cheeks of both.

"Oh, I _see_. I hope I'm not making you uncomfortable. Normally I could have had a second room arranged but now the house is packed with people. I can't offer you mine either because Esther is here."

He turned to Charlotte.

"Esther is my girlfriend, it's quite new too so… I'm sorry."

"Are you okay with this Charlotte, or I'll find a couch somewhere. No problem." She could see on Sidney's face that he was not in the mood for a couch really.

"Don't be silly. I don't mind. It's not like I never… er, never mind… It's fine."

It was absolutely true, she did not mind at all and she had been longing for this for weeks, but for some reason the imminent prospect of spending the night with Sidney made her nervous. It made her almost ramble about past sexual experiences, which was the last thing she wanted, just as little as she wanted to know about his history in that area as she was sure it would make her feel more insecure.

Her thoughts spun as they continued up the carpeted stairs. It would be the first time they shared bed. Would it be the first time they did more than _sleep_ together too? How could something she wanted with her whole being suddenly make her feel like she was about to freak out? They had longed for this and if they had gone straight to London they would likely have spent the night together there, so she was not sure why it seemed almost terrifying doing the same here. Probably because she had not been prepared for it, combined with fear that he might discover she was not what he had expected. What if he found her wanton somehow? What if they lacked chemistry in bed?

She plastered on a confident smile as Babbers lead them through a long corridor and showed them into a spacious, absolutely beautiful room where the centerpiece was a huge four poster bed with velvet drapes. Her eyes wandered over the antique furniture, oil paintings and exquisite flower arrangements.

"Wow, this room looks like a king might sleep here."

"It has actually happened in the past", Babbers said modestly. "There is only one bed but at least it is a big one. Settle in, then come down and have a drink and meet the others."

He left and it was just the two of them and the humongous bed. Charlotte swallowed, even more nervous than before. That bed was totally screaming for people to have sex in it, like all-night-roll-around-in-all-sorts-of-kama-sutra-positions-like-they-do-in-films-sex.

He stepped closer and pulled her to his chest and for a moment just held her in silence, so she could hear his steady heart beats under her ear and she temporarily felt calmer. Then he cupped her cheeks between his hands and kissed her. It was an intense kiss, more demanding than the ones they had shared until now and her pulse raced again. They seemed to levitate towards the bed almost magically. She briefly felt it against the backside of her legs but then fell on it, with him over her. His lips did not leave hers, his weight pressed her down in the mattress, his hard body tight to her soft curves and he let out a low groan. She felt the most conflicting emotions; desire stronger than she ever had felt combined with a sudden flash of panic. She was not ready, not now, not like this.

She broke the kiss and turned her face away from him so he would not catch her lips again.

"What's wrong?" his breath was uneven, his eyes dark and confused.

"Nothing, I… it's just that the others are waiting for us."

He frowned his brow, trying to read her.

"I don't think anyone will notice if we stay here a while, but if you want to go join them…"

"I do." Her answer was too quick, she knew it came out like she really wanted to escape this situation.

"Okay. Alright then."

He sounded casual but looked terribly disappointed when he got to his feet. He pulled her with him but then stepped away instead of hugging or kissing her again. He did not laugh to relieve the tension, and neither could she.

She was not sure what to make of it. He could not be angry because she interrupted, could he? If he was, it would mean he was something of a jerk and she was quite sure he was not. Quite sure.

He took a deep breath and raked his fingers through his hair.

"Let's go then."

His voice was hoarse, and he did not take her hand as they walked down the stairs. This was a very strange and awkward beginning to their stay here. She hoped the rest would be better.

They walked through the house in silence and entered a sunny terrace, overlooking the big garden and a pool where a crowd of some fifty people was gathered, having cocktails. This was a larger party than she had expected. Everyone looked casually fancy and Charlotte felt that perhaps she did not belong among them. She wished Sidney had been holding her hand, but his were tucked into his trouser pockets.

Babbers happily waved them over as soon as he saw them.

"Everyone, for those of you who don't know them already, this is my dear friend Sidney, and this is…"

"…one of my students, Charlotte. I'm giving her a ride back to London from Sanditon where she has spent the summer working for my brother and his family."

Babbers surprised expression probably matched her own. Why did he introduce her like this after what he said in the car about _not_ mentioning he had been her teacher? Why would he suddenly pretend like they were not involved with each other? Was it because she had interrupted the activities in bed just now?

His words were equally confusing and hurtful. She turned to see his face but realised he was not looking at her and followed the direction of his gaze.

He was looking at none other than Eliza Campion. She was as beautiful and blonde as ever, looking exactly like she belonged here. She was watching Sidney with big, blue adoring eyes and a wide, perfect pearl white smile. Charlotte felt a pang of jealousy shoot through her.

"Mr. Parker! Or I assume we should call you Sidney here. How nice." Eliza's gaze shifted to Charlotte and she looked less thrilled. "Charlotte. What a coincidence to meet you two here."

"Indeed, it is." Sidney smiled in return and Charlotte could not say for sure if it was forced or genuine. What she knew with certainty was that he did not intend to acknowledge that she was his girlfriend. Or was she? Suddenly it seemed more important than before that they never had used the words girlfriend and boyfriend.

"Did you say she was working for your brother?" Eliza asked curiously, turning to Sidney alone, but Charlotte did not intend to be left out.

"Yes, I was their nanny for the summer." She felt like adding; 'Nanny by day, making out with Sidney by night', but of course she did not.

"How quaint to work during the school break." Eliza giggled. "I have spent the entire summer on Côte d'Azur. That's the coast in South France in case you didn't know."

Charlotte felt like poking her tongue at her but did not do that either.

"I knew that", she said but Eliza's focus was entirely on Sidney now. She put her hand on his arm. "How wonderful to meet you outside school. To be honest I have hoped we would get such an opportunity."

Charlotte did not hear his answer because Babbers called for her attention handing her a colourful cocktail and said he wanted to introduce her to someone, so she reluctantly followed him over to a redhaired girl standing alone. She was even more beautiful than Eliza, but in difference to her she seemed nice.

"Charlotte, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend Esther."

After introducing them to each other, Babbers went to make sure some of the others were supplied with drinks. He was really an attentive host, keen for everyone to enjoy themselves. Everyone seemed to, except Charlotte.

"So, you're also new to this group?" Esther asked.

"Yes, I hardly know anyone."  
"But you came here with your _teacher_?" She sounded very curious.

"Er, well, yes. He used to be my philosophy teacher, he isn't anymore. Babbers knows there is more to that story."

"Are you lovers?"

Charlotte nearly jumped at the direct question.

"Why do you ask?"

"I'm sorry if I'm wrong, but there just seems to be this chemistry between you. I noticed it as soon as you came out together, before he introduced you as your student and gave that explanation about why you are here together. _That_ made me totally confused. If he had introduced you as his girlfriend I wouldn't have been confused at all."

"Okay, I'll be honest with you. Right now, I'm a bit confused myself. We have been dating and I thought we were _something_, but after that introduction I'm not so sure anymore."

"So, are you sleeping together or what?"

"You are pretty direct, aren't you?"

Esther shrugged her shoulders.

"Life is too short to beat about the bush. That is what I like about Babbers. He made it clear from first day that he likes me. I had to make him sweat for a while of course, but I actually liked him from day one too."

"That is the contrary to us. We liked each other from day one, but none of us said anything for a long time because we were teacher and student. We have been going out for one and a half months now, but lovers… no we aren't."  
"But you have…?"

"Have what?"  
"You're not a virgin? I mean, that's not the issue?"

Charlotte nearly choked on her drink.

"My God, you're _really_ blunt."

"I'm sorry, Babbers jokes I have Tourette's but that's the way I am. I know it's none of my business, but I sense some trouble here and I like you, so I'd like to help. I only can if I know the full story."

Charlotte instinctively knew it was true. Esther was not snooping out of malice, she was someone who could be an ally and she needed that with Eliza Campion tossing around her long shiny hair under Sidney's nose like she was in a shampoo commercial. In a way Esther's bluntness was refreshing, and she decided to answer honestly.

"Okay, no, I'm not. _We_ just haven't yet. I was working for his brother and his family, staying in their home and I just wouldn't sleep with someone under their roof. Least of all a family member."  
"I see. But _now_ you can."

"I can, but it feels odd to just do it at the very first opportunity."  
"But why? If you want it?"

"I'm not sure."

"You're in love with him?"  
"I'm crazy about him."

"Do you want him?"  
"Yes."

The way he made her feel simply by drawing circles in her skin… she wanted him without a doubt, so why was it so complicated now? What was she afraid of?

"Do you think he loves you?"

"I do… I did… today has just been so weird and now I'm not sure anymore. I mean, look at him. He is standing there talking to a girl from university, who happens to be the most beautiful one of all students and I know she has been hitting on him before. He came here with me, asked me to come, yet he is standing there with her and pretending like I'm nothing to him."

"I agree, that _is_ a bit weird. Maybe he has some kind of strategy which we simply don't understand. I hope so Charlotte and I really hope you don't regret coming here, you are the nicest one of everyone here except for Babbers. I'm in love with him but I don't care much for his high society friends. Most of them are too snotty for my taste."

"Thank you, I feel like I need a friend here too."

In that moment she saw Eliza lean in an whisper something in Sidney's ear, almost placing her lips to his cheek and it all became too much for her.

Was this how it would be? That when they were among common acquaintances, he would pretend like there was nothing between them. The doubts she had tried to push to the back of her head returned. The ones that told her that she was not hot enough or experienced enough to be with a man like him. Not elegant enough either if she compared herself to the other women here.

"Excuse me Esther, I think I'll go for a walk because this is nauseating. If he should happen to miss me you can tell him I felt ill."

She put down her half-full glass, left the terrace and stepped out into the vast garden. She would go for a walk, then return to their room and spend the rest of the evening there. Sidney could sleep on the couch like he had offered before as far as she was concerned. She was not sure if she was sad or angry, perhaps a bit of both. Deeply disappointed anyway.

"Wait, wait, wait!"

She had not gone far when she heard someone come running. She knew it was him but did not stop until he grabbed her arm.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm surprised you even noticed I left", she spat, suddenly furious.

"Of course, I did."

"Let go of me."

"What's wrong?"

"You tell me!"

He stared at her, first looking upset and confused, but then the expression in his eyes shifted and turned very soft. He pulled her to him, ignoring her resistance.

"No, _you_ tell me", he said with lips against her hair. "I have a feeling there is some kind of misunderstanding here."

Wrapped in his arms and with her cheek against his safe chest, she felt tears well up in her eyes.

"Please tell me."

"First it was the thing up in our room."

"The 'thing' in our room?"

"You got all weird when I stopped kissing you."

"Was I weird?"

"Distant. Angry? I don't know, it seemed like you were offended because I wouldn't sleep with you first chance we had."

To her surprise he chuckled.

"It wasn't like that. I was annoyed with myself for letting my emotions get the better of me, for going too fast. I needed some distance because I… I needed to calm down. Not because I was angry, because I wanted you and realised it was not the right moment. I thought you were right to stop, we're in no hurry."

"So, you're not angry that I made you wait?"

"If I were, I really would be a douche. You really think that badly of me?"

"I thought maybe you expected..."

He held her even tighter.

"I don't 'expect' anything. I _hope_ you will want the same things that I do, but I don't take it for granted. I want you, I won't deny that, but I want you because I'm in love with you and I can wait as long as needed. Think about it, I didn't even date anyone last year because I couldn't imagine being with anyone but you. And that was when I had _zero_ hope of _ever _being with you, in or outside a bed."

She felt a little lighter but that still did not explain everything.

"If that is true, then why the act over there? When you said yourself in the car that you preferred not telling everyone you had been my teacher and then you introduced me as your _student_."

"Because of Eliza Campion of course." He said it like he was amazed she had not cottoned in to his motives for acting like he did.

"You care what she thinks? You didn't want her to know we are... What am I to you exactly, anyway? We never said."

He held her out from him so he could watch her face and his smile grew wider.

"No, we never did, did we? I would very much like to think you are my girlfriend. As for Eliza, I don't care about her. I will probably never see her again now when I'm changing jobs, but I thought maybe _you_ cared. I didn't want to out to one of your class mates that you are seeing your former teacher before I knew you were okay with it. I thought she might be the last person you wanted to know about us."

"She fancies you", she mumbled and looked down on her feet.

"I know, but I don't fancy her. Not one bit. I was just trying to be polite back there when she was talking nonsense. That girl doesn't have half a brain from what I have seen and even if she was brilliant, I'm not in the habit of falling for my students, with one exception." He paused, suddenly very serious. "I'm not sure if have managed to make you understand what you mean to me. This is not a passing crush to me. I have never felt like this with anyone. I want to be with you Char, only you and I'm still terrified that you may not feel the same. I'm scared because you are younger than me and perhaps not ready for a serious relationship in the way I feel that I am with you, or that you will want someone who is in the same stage of life as you, still a student. I brought you here because I want to include you in my life, but I don't want to push you. I was thinking you might be embarrassed to let class mates like Eliza know you are seeing me."

She took in his words and a feeling of complete happiness filled her.

"I'm not embarrassed. I don't care what she thinks. People who are my friends will understand. I want to be your girlfriend and I want everyone to know. I know I'm young and before I met you, I had no intention to settle for someone, but with you… I just can't help how I feel for you. It's an affliction, like the measles, except that I don't want it to pass. I want this. Us. More than anything."

She saw the relief and happiness in his face before he pulled her closer again and they kissed. Quite possibly this was their best kiss up to now, maybe because she sensed mote than ever that they belonged together.

"I am sorry if I upset you back there, it was never my intention." He said with his forehead leaned against hers.

"You did, but you are forgiven."

"So, should we go back and start over again?"  
"You made it a bit difficult now when you already told them you were my teacher."

"I'll deal with that."

They returned to the others, this time he held her close to his side, one arm around her shoulder and paused to kiss her several times. No one who saw them could miss that they were a couple. Eliza Campions eyebrows raised so high that they nearly detached from her forehead and flew away.

"Eeew, Charlotte! Are you dating a teacher?" she said with disgust.

"I'm dating Sidney, yes, but he isn't our teacher anymore, if you must know." Charlotte beamed.

"Is that true?" Eliza turned to Sidney.

"I'm not your teacher anymore, Ms. Campion, I quit before the summer and our relationship started after that and is completely legitimate. If I'm not mistaken you don't have anything against coming on to teachers when it applies to yourself, so I would be cautious to pass judgment. Other than that, you are nearly right; we're not only dating, I'm Charlotte's boyfriend."

With that they left the appalled Eliza behind and went to join Babbers and Ester, who were very pleased to see that the awkward situation from before had been sorted out. None of them cared a fig about Eliza Campion.

The party went on until late night. It was one of those warm summer nights when the light never seem to disappear fully, and you feel like you never want to go to bed because you do not want to miss a minute of life when it is like this. When Charlotte and Sidney finally returned to their room, some of the others were still sitting chatting in small groups by the pool or indoors watching the sky turn pink at the horizon from the already rising sun. They had had an amazing time but now they wanted to be alone.

Both were still a bit tipsy even if a few hours had passed since they had their last drinks, but they were feeling completely awake despite the very late hour.

When they closed the door behind them, Sidney leaned his back against it and waved to her to return to him. She willingly did and he put his arms around her and softly bumped his nose against hers.

"So, to resume the conversation from before. There is just one bed, but before we jump into it I want to remind you that I'm perfectly content if we just sleep beside each other tonight. I'm happy to finally be able to hold you through the night and that is enough for me. Okay?"

"I know, thank you", she said and kissed him. She made it a very slow and seductive kiss, shifting between nibbling and licking his lips to kissing him deeply with her tongue swirling inside his mouth. Her hands nestled their way under his shirt, and he hissed when she caressed his flat stomach and let her fingers first caress along the lining of his trousers, then continue downwards. He tried to remain passive, to just enjoy and let her set the pace but when she teasingly grinded herself against his emerging hardness it was impossible for him not to act. One hand slid down her back, to cup her buttocks and press her harder against him, the other caressed up her ribcage to find her breast and circle her nipple through the thin fabric of the dress. His lips traced her collarbone, her neck, nipped her earlobe.

"I _know_ you are all right just sleeping together, but I want you. If you are fine with that?" she whispered, and he returned his gaze to her face.

Her eyes seemed huge and dark with desire, her lips were full and red from the intense kissing and he thought that nothing had ever made him as turned on as the sight of her, combined with that request.

"If that is what my girlfriend wants, I don't want to deny her that", he smiled. In one fluid move he scooped her up and carried her to the bed. He put her down carefully and she immediately reached for him, willing him towards her. All her hesitance was gone, this day had given her the answers she needed to feel safe to take next step with him, to share another piece of herself. She had wanted it so much but been afraid that if it after that turned out he was not hers after all, she would be completely lost. Now she knew with certainty that he had feared the same and he was indeed hers, loved her like she loved him. Amazingly enough this amazing man had harbored the same insecurities as her.

As they slowly undressed each other and he and began trailing kisses down her body, leaving her skin heated and her core even more so, he spoke with his lips softly against her neck.

"I know Babbers claims that royals have slept in this bed. I may not be that, but I'll do my best to treat you like a princess tonight and any other night because you are to me."

She was only capable of moaning in response, but as his hands, fingers, tongue, his entire body took care of hers with gentleness and fire until they both came undone, that was exactly how she felt. She knew that she never again had to doubt that she was not enough for him.


End file.
